Essay VII: Of Parents And Children |
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Essay VII: Of Parents And Children
Essay VII: Of Parents And Children
The joys of parents are secret; and so are their griefs and fears. They
cannot utter the one; nor they will not utter the other. Children sweeten
labors; but they make misfortunes more bitter. They increase the cares of
life; but they mitigate the remembrance of death. The perpetuity by generation
is common to beasts; but memory; merit, and noble works are proper to men. And
surely a man shall see the noblest works and foundations have proceeded from
childless men; which have sought to express the images of their minds, where
those of their bodies have failed. So the care of posterity is most in them
that have no posterity. They that are the first raisers of their houses are
most indulgent towards their children; beholding them as the continuance not
only of their kind but of their work; and so both children and creatures.
The difference in affection of parents towards their several children is
many times unequal; and sometimes unworthy; especially in the mother; as
Solomon saith, A wise son rejoiceth the father, but an ungracious son shames
the mother. A man shall see, where there is a house full of children, one or
two of the eldest respected, and the youngest made wantons; ^1 but in the
midst some that are as it were forgotten, who many times nevertheless prove
the best. The illiberality of parents in allowance towards their children is
an harmful error; makes them base; acquaints them with shifts; makes them sort
^2 with mean company; and makes them surfeit more when they come to plenty.
And therefore the proof is best, when men keep their authority towards their
children, but not their purse. Men have a foolish manner (both parents and
schoolmasters and servants) in creating and breeding an emulation between
brothers during childhood, which many times sorteth ^3 to discord when they
are men, and disturbeth families. The Italians make little difference between
children and nephews or near kinsfolks; but so they be of the lump, they care
not though they pass not through their own body. And, to say truth, in nature
it is much a like matter; insomuch that we see a nephew sometimes resembleth
an uncle or a kinsman more than his own parent; as the blood happens. Let
parents choose betimes the vocations and courses they mean their children
should take; for then they are most flexible; and let them not too much apply
themselves to the disposition of their children, as thinking they will take
best to that which they have most mind to. It is true, that if the affection
or aptness of the children be extraordinary, then it is good not to cross it;
but generally the precept is good, optimum elige, suave et facile illud faciet
consuetudo [choose the best-custom will make it pleasant and easy]. Younger
brothers are commonly fortunate, but seldom or never where the elder are
disinherited.
[Footnote 1: Spoiled.]
[Footnote 2: Associate.]
[Footnote 3: Turns out.]
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