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Essay VIII: Of Marriage And Single Life
Essay VIII: Of Marriage And Single Life
He that hath wife and children hath given hostages to fortune; for they
are impediments to great enterprises, either of virtue or mischief. Certainly
the best works, and of greatest merit for the public, have proceeded from
the unmarried or childless men; which both in affection and means have married
and endowed the public. Yet it were great reason that those that have children
should have greatest care of future times; unto which they know they must
transmit their dearest pledges. Some there are, who though they lead a single
life, yet their thoughts do end with themselves, and account future times
impertinences. ^1 Nay, there are some other that account wife and children
but as bills of charges. Nay more, there are some foolish rich covetous men,
that take a pride in having no children, because they may be thought so much
the richer. For perhaps they have heard some talk, Such an one is a great
rich man, and another except to it, Yea, but he hath a great charge of
children; as if it were an abatement to his riches. But the most ordinary
cause of a single life is liberty, especially in certain self-pleasing and
humorous ^2 minds, which are so sensible of every restraint, as they will go
near to think their girdles and garters to be bonds and shackles. Unmarried
men are best friends, best masters, best servants; but not always best
subjects; for they are light to run away; and almost all fugitives are of that
condition. A single life doth well with churchmen; for charity will hardly
water the ground where it must first fill a pool. It is indifferent for judges
and magistrates; for if they be facile and corrupt, you shall have a servant
five times worse than a wife. For soldiers, I find the generals commonly in
their hortatives put men in mind of their wives and children; and I think the
despising of marriage amongst the Turks maketh the vulgar soldier more base.
Certainly wife and children are a kind of discipline of humanity; and single
men, though they may be many times more charitable, because their means are
less exhaust, yet, on the other side, they are more cruel and hardhearted
(good to make severe inquisitors), because their tenderness is not so oft
called upon. Grave natures, led by custom, and therefore constant, are
commonly loving husbands, as was said of Ulysses, vetulam suam praetulit
immortalitati [he preferred his old wife to immortality]. Chaste women are
often proud and froward, as presuming upon the merit of their chastity. It is
one of the best bonds both of chastity and obedience in the wife, if she
think her husband wise; which she will never do if she find him jealous.
Wives are young men`s mistresses; companions for middle age; and old men`s
nurses. So as a man may have a quarrel ^3 to marry when he will. But yet he ^4
was reputed one of the wise men, that made answer to the question, when a man
should marry, - A young man not yet, an elder man not at all. It is often seen
that bad husbands have very good wives; whether it be that it raiseth the
price of their husband`s kindness when it comes; or that the wives take a
pride in their patience. But this never fails, if the bad husbands were of
their own choosing, against their friends` consent; for then they will be
sure to make good their own folly.
[Footnote 1: Not their affair.]
[Footnote 2: Capricious.]
[Footnote 3: Pretext.]
[Footnote 4: Thales.]
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